Words are something we mist give a shape with our hands before they have any meaning, so "mi hombre" i love you. and i will give a meaning to my words...
Hands earth, clay, tools, carving, paitnting, kissing... All this and more. and poetry to fix and transmutate the images.
How it hurts to love dreams, work, love, poetry, you, and to love as i do. but i feel the pain that at the end tell me that "you are alive regina".
Sameness is a torment. differences are a torment. to have such "twin feelings" as "mi hombre" and i have, is almost unbearable. He cannot bear it. Its almost like loving himself. Phrases come out of him wich startle me into absolute silence. It is like ifi were talking to myself. I get our ideas so mixed up I do not know at times whose idea it was. He leads me up to the end of my toughts. "Our minds are engaged. Let us announce that our minds are engaged".
But distance... we dont even hold hands and at moments he seems to be violently pushed toward me in some awkward collision. but i want him feel that we are no matter the distance shoulder to shoulder. I am disarmed . i never play the not lover woman, the indifferent woman, altought i should have. My love for "mi hombre" always burns in my face and gestures. with a child's damnable naturalness. in that i am a rotten actress. My feelings are too true. I am conquered, I am beaten. in such matters it is a duel. I never shot first before, always someone has to shot first . I wait. but now.. i am always the first. What a game for interest people to play, what a comedy. Shared feelings can cause a great deal of bitterness between "mi hombre" and me because of vanity...Eliminate vanity and what do you find? Thruth! Women cannot stand the truth in matters of love. They always take it personally. "He dosent love me"--- a personal insult. So i have to leave Vanity and face the true... He loves me!!!
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